A Crab the Father of my Dumb Kids

Well I just got back the patewnuty I mean paternity test back from the bush outside of our house. It said it wasn't me who was the father, neither was my brother/husband ,and its 99.9% sure the dog is not the father. The bush said that the infestation of crabs (that I've had since I was 12) are the father(s) of my stupid kids. Which makes sense since my kids obviously didn't get their smarts from me or my brother/husband as we are not as smart as a pubic hair let alone a pubic louse.